Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
