The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
