I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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