So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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