While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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