Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
