so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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