i permit you to call me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
