First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
