I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize