He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
