You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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