i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
