I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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