Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
