Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
