He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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