she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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