I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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