i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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