My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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