New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We're too hungover to prance.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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