Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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