Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
how drunk are you?
Several
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
