Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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