You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
