i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
