You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
