Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
