Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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