don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize