but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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