Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
