I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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