That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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