He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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