somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
