I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
