he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
