talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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