No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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