I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
