I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
