I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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