i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
