Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
