If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
