He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
