I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
