Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
