just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize