Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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