Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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