so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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