My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
