Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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