apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
