I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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