Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
