Sacagawea was the original milf.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
