That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
