ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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