Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
