Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Duck Duck Cougar?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
