i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
