This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
