I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
