So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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