im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
