The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
