i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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